Family Matters (Part 3)
Titus 2:1-8

“What is the Bible?”

If a person unfamiliar with this book asked you that question, what would you say? Scholar Dallas Willard answers it with laser precision:

“The Bible is the best information available to human beings about the
things that are most important.”

When you meditate on that, I think you would be hard pressed to improve upon it.

When you want to know what really matters and how to live, you go to the Word, which declares itself to be “God-breathed.” (II Tim 3:16)

We are turning to Titus chapter 2, where we find instruction about Family Matters that matter.

Just after WW II, Dr. Carle Zimmerman, a professor of sociology at Harvard University, wrote a landmark book title, “Family and Civilization,” in which he identified six specific attitudes of a society nearing its last days. Interestingly, most of them have to do with marriage:

1. Increased and rapid, easy, ‘causeless’ divorce. [Guilty-and-innocent party
theory became a pure fiction.]

2. Elimination of the real meaning of the marriage ceremony.

3. Rise of theories that companionate marriage or looser family forms would
solve social ills.

[A ‘companionate’ marriage is one in which the couple agrees to just be
companions, not to have children, to commingle their finances, and
divorce by mutual consent.]

4. The refusal of many other people married under the older family form to
maintain their traditions while other people escaped their obligations.
[We’ll return to this one in a moment.]

5. Breaking down of most inhibitions against adultery.

6. Common acceptance of all forms of sex perversions.

Zimmerman noted (researching in the late 1940s) that these six trends were not only present in American society, but were accelerating. (What would he say, if he were alive today?)

These elements were glaringly present in 1st century Greek and Roman culture. Paul writes about the response of believers to such trying times: A careful grip on things that matter most.

He’s not just concerned about the health and stability of our marriages and families. In this chapter, the focus switches from pastors (elders) to the congregation, from leaders to laity. He deals with the evangelistic impact of a spiritually vibrant congregation who are learning to walk the talk.

There is practical instruction for five groups of believers:

…Older men
…Older women
…Younger women
…Young men
…Slaves (or believers in the marketplace).

The indispensable ministry of older woman is the focus of the phrase in verse 3, “teachers of good things.”

It’s not a reference to formal instruction, but informal, personal, one-on-one, instruction, encouragement and modeling. Women’s ministries in the church are crucial; this ministry that is the soul of the faith.

“teachers of good things”— Is a lifestyle that honors and points people to the Lord…the application of sound (healthy) doctrine in the life of young women (many of whom on Crete were new to the faith or from dysfunctional families devoid of positive models.)

Who are “younger women? For the sake of accuracy and fairness, it should be said that Paul is not addressing every woman alive. These women are described as having husbands and children. They are women who are in the work of building their homes, living with their husbands, spending time with their children, adjusting their lives to that kind of lifestyle.

To whom does a young woman, wife or mother turn for a model of godliness, when she has a question or a problem in her marriage or with a child?

The post-WW II baby boomer generation were reared on a permissive, liaise faire philosophy, posited by Dr. Benjamin Spock in a book titled “Baby and Child Care.” First published in 1946, it has sold more than 50 million copies, it is now in its 8th edition.

When Dr. Spock was passed ninety years of age, he said in an interview, “I was wrong.” Think of that! Some wit said, “Kids should have been spanked not Spocked.”

To whom do young wives and mothers look for counsel and encouragement? God help us, if the only counsel available is some expert on Oprah, Dr. Phil, or Parenting magazine.

I know a child being reared by a single mom, who grew up in a Christian home, who doesn’t believe in spanking. The little girl is a three year old terror! The mom commented that she has never spanked the little prima donna because Ophrah says you shouldn’t.

Older women, you have a very special calling and opportunity.

Chuck Swindoll says:

“It is the older woman who is encouraged to mentor the younger
women. Titus is not told to do that. I think pastors get into trouble
when pastors began to spend time closely and intimately with younger
women. That’s not the role of the pastor. That’s the role of the older
women in the church, the godly woman.

I offer several words of encouragement to older women:

…Pray for God to bring a younger woman into your life.

Keep your eyes open, your antenna up…I don’t mean be pushy, but
that initiative, be available. Find ways to ministry to her.

Don’t be intimidated. “What do I have to share?”

What has God been doing in your life?
What have you been through?
What are you learning? Say this dynamic verse with me: (II Cor 1:4):

“who conforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort
those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we
ourselves are comforted by God.”

“The Message”—

“He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you
know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard
times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for
us.”

This ministry isn’t just for hard times, it’s about sharing life!…being open to sharing from your experience—dos and don’ts—about being a godly wife and mother.

The conversations will be superficial at first, but as trust is gained, it will reach a level of meaningful discussion and discipleship. It includes being a good listener.

…Be approachable

…Model biblical principles… That makes you attractive.

…Order your schedule and lifestyle so as to leave time for younger women.

If you are running around in a breathless frenzy, they will sense it and will
hesitate to “bother” you.

Scientists are now working on a technique for brain transplants. What an incalculable waste when an Einstein, and Edison, a renowned educator or bible scholar passes away. And all that knowledge of a lifetime is lost.

I heard about a pastor who passed away, and his wife contacted a local university and offered her husband’s brain for transplant research. “What makes you think your husband’s brain could be helpful to us?” they asked. “Well,” she said, “It’s hardly been used.”

There is a far greater waste going on in the church—the rich experiences of faith and living, not being shared with younger women, many of whom have not had the privilege of a mentoring mother or a stable environment. Some are new believers.

There are seven specific areas of mentoring and encouragement. The first…

“that they admonish the young women to love their husbands.”

If you don’t have children, have never married, if you are a woman who has reared your family, I don’t believe verses 4 & 5 address your situation directly. The focus is those who have husbands, children and care for their homes.

Family commitment made believers stand out in the Graco-Roman world.

I studied this passage under the assumption that “love” is the Greek word “agape”— Same word used of the older men in verse 2— A love that seeks the highest good of the other person.

It is “philandros”— Note the “phila”—as in Philadelphia. It emphasizes the strength of companionship, of pulling together. One writer says, (Larson)

“[…it speaks of] devotion measured by kindness and mutual friendship.”

Romantic feelings are important but do not form a foundation for a lasting, satisfying marriage.

A cover story in Time magazine explained that these initial feelings change in a couple of years because of actual chemical changes and mellow into something else.

Philia a deepening bond of devotedness, and friendship. When you study Willard Harley’s five top needs of men and women, there is a common thread: For deep, God-given needs to be met, for a friendship to flourish, couples must devote time to each other. One of the most threatening problems in marriage today is that couples simply grow apart.

Planned dates and time is especially important during the child-rearing years.

“…to love their children”— is the translation of a single Greek term—philotechnos. Note the phila root again. Literally, A lover of children….a devotion to the children and to child rearing.

I brushed over Zimmerman’s fourth point. The last days of any society or culture is marked by:

4. The refusal of many other people married under the older family form to
maintain their traditions while other people escaped their obligations.

In short, women refused to stay home and rear children. 1st century Greek and Roman cultures, of which Crete was a part, were marked by a thriving Women’s Liberation Movement, which demeaned marriage and children.
It had its roots in Gnosticism which taught that Eve was a spirit-endowed woman who actually saved Adam from the bungling male deity called God.

A recent article titled “Who but a mother?” documents shifting attitudes in the West (North America and Europe) toward children including a refusal to have children at all.

It says, “This year the German government has begun paying women $12,000 to have a baby. Actuaries have figured out that if someone doesn’t have babies, in 20 years there will be no young workers paying into the pension system.”

How utilitarian is that?

The word is “love” not worship. Children are to be reared and released. They are not to be grasped, clung to or controlled. They reach an age where they can be on their own, encourage their being on their own. Love them enough to release them…to encourage them in their single life, and when they marry, understand that there is a new entity now…a new home, with a new head.

To rush in, with the best intentions, to offer unsolicited counsel, expecting to relate to them like you did BTM—before their marriage—is a grave mistake that will impair the healthy growth of the fledgling marriage.

Then, the older women are to encourage the young to be sensible (or “discreet). It’s the same word translated “temperate” in verse 2. Self-controlled. It hints of sexual purity.

…Watch the sitcoms,
…watch the evening programs,
…and you will not learn purity. You will see desperation.
…You will witness infidelity.

You will see it romanticized to the point that it can mesmerize you.

Older woman are to encourage the young to keep them focus on their husband, their children, to watch their sexual fantasies.

“Homemakers” (“Keepers at home”—KJV) and “obedient to their husbands” generate the most discussion. The term “obedient” is translated “submit” in Ephesians 5:22. It’s a military term meaning “to rank under.” It has nothing to do with status, but rather the fulfillment of an assigned role.

Is this a biblical statement: “A woman’s place is in the home?” It depends on how you define “place.”

This statement creates instant guilt for the mother who has a career, the single mom whose only choices are work or bare-bones public assistance.
There are mothers present who would like nothing better than to be home with the children. You struggle with this issue almost every day.

What God is saying is, “A woman’s responsibility is in the home.”

There is no virtue in just staying home (does that surprise you)? It’s what you are doing to create a Christian home. It’s your spiritual and household priorities and vision. It’s taking your responsibility for the atmosphere of the home seriously.

The home is the center; This may surprise you—It is better for a Christian mom to be at home with her children than to work to put them in a Christina school.

Let me summarize what I believe the Scripture teaches on the “should a wife and mother work outside the home” question in ____ statements:

1. Mom is the most significant influence in the life of a child.

2. The spiritual, psychological and emotional well-being of your child (or
children) far exceeds any financial sacrifice you may make (by mom
being at home.)

3. When a wife and mother is a homemaker, the husband’s love and
continual support are essential.

Listen to Dr. James Dobson:

“For the man who appreciates the willingness of his wife to stand against
the tide of public opinion—staying at home in her empty neighborhood in
the exclusive company of jelly-faced toddlers and strong willed
adolescents—it is about time you gave her some help. I’m not merely
suggesting that you wash the dishes or sweep the floor. I’m referring to the
provision of emotional support…of giving her one day of recreation each
week…of taking her out to dinner…of telling her that you love her. Without
these armaments, she is left defenseless against the foes of the family—the
foes of your family.”

4. Mom’s to work must be made prayerfully and discerningly.

Why?

5. The Materialistic culture links a wife/mom’s worth (self-esteem)
to her financial contribution to the family.

You hear the phrase, “I’m just a housewife.”

This ad for a local college appeared in the Register-Herald.

“Diane is a nontraditional student who has been in the workforce, held
many different types of jobs, raised a family, and now it’s her time to
shine…”

The inference is: She wasn’t shining when she was rearing a family.

One syndicated cartoon depicted a teenage boy arriving at his home after school to a note penned on the outside of the front door:

“Honey, Dad and I have to work late again…If you need us…go to our
website at www.2busy.com. Love, Mom.”

6. A Christian couple with children must discern if mom’s working
outside the home is an economic necessity or an evidence of
materialism.Someone reported seeing a license plate on a very expensive car that read: MOMS2BZ.Someone reported seeing a license plate on a very expensive car that read: MOMS2BZ.When that happens, there is a ripple effect…

Someone reported seeing a license plate on a very expensive car that read: MOMS2BZ.When that happens, there is a ripple effect……her walk with the Lord is affected
…her husband, her children, and
…church feel it very deeply.

Older woman, you are a gift to us…we are absolutely dependent on your mentoring and your model.