HeHarmony Genesis 2:18-25
Dr. Larry Halsey

Internet Dating is a trend that was bound to happen. Dr. Neil Clark Warren is synonymous with the trend; his eharmony.com website boasts thousands of success stories and says, (quote) “on average 90 people are married a day from eharmony.”

The system is built around a patented “Compatibility Match System.”
I quote: Exhaustive research with thousands of couples found that there are 29
Key Dimensions of Compatibility necessary for success in a long term
relationship. eHarmony is the only relationship site that uses a
scientifically proven method to match based on these 29 crucial
dimensions.“Compatibility” is a basic ingredient in all meaningful relationships; especially an effective marriage. What is it? How is it nurtured?With the idea of “Back to the Basic” in view, this morning we are going back to the basics of marriage as God designed it.One of the early lessons we learn in Sunday school is that God created everything we see. There are two very practical views of the creation of man and woman. One is man’s view; the other is the woman’s view.The woman’s view of creation is this: God made man, looked at him and said, “I can do better than that.” And he made woman. Now, the man’s view is that God created the beasts and man and then he rested. Then he created woman, and neither, God, nor beast, nor man has rested since.

In Genesis two, you discover the “marriage plan” as the Creator intended it.
It’s the most dynamic marriage and family instruction in Scripture.

You are impressed that divine initiative is at the root of everything.
Note the verbs:

*Verse 18— “The Lord God said…”
*Verse 19— “The Lord God formed…”
*Verse 21— “The Lord God caused…”
*Verse 22— “The Lord God made…”

Seven times in chapter 1, God surveys his creation and announces, “It is good.” But when he studied Adam, the crown monarch of his creation action, he says with sober concern, “it is not good.”

The Hebrew phase is particularly strong. It suggests that’s Adam’s aloneness is the very opposite of good—It is bad, bad, bad! Something is unfinished, incomplete, counter to God’s plan and purpose.

This doesn’t infer that single people are second class kingdom citizens or are in some way unfinished. It sets forth the general scheme that would characterize societies.

At first glance, verses 19 & 20 seem to be out of place…When you connect verses 18 & 21, it makes perfect sense. Adam’s name-calling abilities underscores several points.

1. His native intelligence before the Fall. Dr. Henry Morris asserts that man
lost 94 percent of his intelligence in Adam’s fall.2. It is meant to expose Adam’s deep loneness among creation, and His
superiority to it. Naming the animals is not a whimsical activity, (the God who made them
would have no difficulty naming them!), it prepared Adam to
appreciate and value Eve. You can imagine Adam, with finger on his chin,
saying to himself, “Now, Let’s see, that looks like an elephant.” He peers
at a leftover heap of scraps and says, “That’s a duck billed platypus.” But Adam is alone!3. It is meant to enhance the readers’ and Adam’s anticipation. You find
yourself saying, “But what about Adam? As they saunter by two by two,
Adam sense of aloneness is accentuated.

In this first “family portrait,” Adam and Eve are the quintessential picture of compatibility. They are enjoying in the first light of what it was intended to be.

Notice first,

I. Verse 18—Marriage is a Purposeful Relationship.

There is a dual design:*To provide companionship
*and balance.At this moment Adam stands as the king of a perfect world, but he’s alone in a crowd. So God says, “I will make Him an help meet.” Two words—Not one word, as the man who used it said in a testimony meeting, “I thank God for my helpmeet.” It isn’t a noun; it’s a noun and a verb.The NIV is helpful, “A helper suitable for him.” To us, the idea of “helper” may convey inferiority. We think of a carpenter’s helper, a teacher’s assistant. This is the term often used in the OT to speak of God’s ministry to us. Psalms 46:1, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”The Hebrew conveys the idea of someone who “assists another to reach complete fulfillment.” He is a completer, not a competer.

OT Scholar, Walter Kaiser, says it convey the idea of strength.

In his book, “Men and Marriage,” the famous sociologist, George Gilder, states that women hold the key to the stability and productivity of men. (Marriage Under Fire, Dobson, 11)

A teacher in our church asked a class of kindergarteners, “What were the first man and woman’s names?” One little boy answered, “Odd and Even.”

They were very different.

The good news is…men and women of different; thank God Mary’s not a
carbon copy of me!

The bad news is…men and women are different…but from God’s perspective that’s a plus, not a minus. It means that soul-compatibility may not come naturally, but it can be learned.

In their differences, Adam and Eve complimented each other perfectly.

A lady name Sandra wrote a national magazine;

“One night my husband, Ken, was in the bathroom looking for aspirin. He
asked me if I had seen the bottle. I went in and immediately pulled it out
of the drawer he had been rummaging through. A little exasperated with
him for always relying on me to find things, I pointed to his eyes and
said, “Don’t you think you should start using the gift God has given
you?”

Ken smiled and said, “I already do.”

She concluded, “I melted.”

Men, she’s a gift!

It’s a purposeful relationship.

Second, Marriage is A Powerful Relationship—Vv 21-24

I note first, the Incision- Verse 21

The description of Adam’s involuntary contribution of a rib to make Eve has exposed the bible to superficial charges of myth and error.

The word translated “rib” is found 35 times in the OT, and this is the only occasion in which it is translated “rib.” At least 20 times it’s translated “side.”

Martin Luther, the Reformer, was a 41 year old, converted monk, when he married a 26 year old ran away nun, named Kathryn Von Boron. They had six children. His pet name for her was “Katie my rib.”

A little boy heard this story in children’s church. Later that afternoon, the came running into the house frantic. When his mom asked what was wrong, he said, “My side is hurting, I think I’m having a wife.”

A sharp kid asked me if men, therefore, have one less rib than woman. (The answer is: No!)

And we know from verse 23 that both flesh and bone were extracted.

Eve was an unexpected gift from God’s heart. There is no indication that Adam had asked for a wife. He didn’t even know the term.

Why did God put Adam to sleep? There was no pain in paradise. .

So why does God use these necessary elements from Adam’s side to make Eve? (It’s the first splitting of the Adam.) Because the side is nearest to the heart; It underscores the tender love and protection that he is to afford her.

Often in weddings, the minister will quote Matthew Henry’s quaint words:

“Woman was taken from Adam’s side—not from his head to rule over him,
not from his feet to be trampled on, but from his side to be equal with him,
from under his arm to be protected, from close to his heart to be loved.”

The incision

Second, The Introduction—V22

”and He (God) brought her to Him.”

Adam took a nap and woke up married! It’s one of those drum roll moments of history!The incision
The introductionThird, There is the impact—V23

The beloved King James Version is terrifically bland—“This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” Whoopee!The Hebrew is much more colorful and expressive: “This is now” may be translated……at last
…Eureka…I have found it!
…She’s the one…Uhuh!Adam has just watched a long parade of wart hogs, hippos, orangutans, and every other type of creature coming before him in pairs—They all had dates. Now, feeling very much alone, he awakes to find not another furry, four-footed mammal, but a woman—a ravishing, delightful, completely named woman. Adam’s response was a full fledged, top of the lungs “YeeHaa!.” Where he said, “Whaaaaaaa! Mannnnnnn! Which is where we get the word ‘woman.’ Friends, press the pause button on the video camera and study this frame very carefully. It is the first and last glimpse in human history of a completely compatible marriage!

A young lady contacted a dating service and filled out the compatibility survey. She was very precise. She was looking for a man who…

…liked people
…was small
…preferred formal attire
…and enjoyed water sports.

Her survey was fed into the computer, and the man of her dreams appeared on the screen…He was a penguin.

On June 14th, Mrs. Billy Graham recently passed away. She and her husband, Billy, were married for 58 years. Some years ago in an interview, they were ask about the keys to their relationship, Dr. Graham said, “We are happily incompatible.”

I want to make three statements about the challenges of compatibility.

1. The culture is driven by unrealistic expectations.

Speaking of expectations being placed upon couples considering marriage today, George Barnard Shaw said:

“When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane,
most delusive and most transient of passions, they are required to swear
that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition,
continuously until death do them part.”

“When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition, continuously until death do them part.”One middle-aged woman described it this way:

“When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition, continuously until death do them part.”One middle-aged woman described it this way: “We are led to believe that love is passionate eye-locking gazes, throbbing
temples, and rippling muscles. My husband and I can only experience
eye locking gazes if we both happen to be wearing our eyeglasses at the
same time. To us, throbbing temples warn of possible high blood pressure
and our muscles tend to be more jiggling than rippling.”

“When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition, continuously until death do them part.”One middle-aged woman described it this way: “We are led to believe that love is passionate eye-locking gazes, throbbing temples, and rippling muscles. My husband and I can only experience eye locking gazes if we both happen to be wearing our eyeglasses at the same time. To us, throbbing temples warn of possible high blood pressure and our muscles tend to be more jiggling than rippling.”The truth is, that on this side of Eden, there are no perfect matches; marriage is a commitment to become the person God wants me to be. This leads to the second statement:

“When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition, continuously until death do them part.”One middle-aged woman described it this way: “We are led to believe that love is passionate eye-locking gazes, throbbing temples, and rippling muscles. My husband and I can only experience eye locking gazes if we both happen to be wearing our eyeglasses at the same time. To us, throbbing temples warn of possible high blood pressure and our muscles tend to be more jiggling than rippling.”The truth is, that on this side of Eden, there are no perfect matches; marriage is a commitment to become the person God wants me to be. This leads to the :Incompatibility Presents Motivation For Spiritual Growth.

Look at this triangle… One side, husband; right side, wife. As they are growing spiritually, what is happening to their relationship. They are growing together, in compatibility.

In Christian marriage, there is intimacy on three levels…

…Physical
…Intellectual
…Spiritual.

There is no greater void than when one is growing spiritually, and the other is on auto-pilot or has no interest in spiritual things.

When you are growing spiritually,

…You are able to keep God’s purpose and vision for your marriage in view.
…Spiritual growth feeds your commitment to the Lord and to your marriage

A French historian once described marriage a three weeks of curiosity, three months of love, and thirty years of tolerance.

…Growing spiritually means you receive grace to be gracious and tolerate.

…When you are growing spiritually, you receive faith and confidence that
God is at work knocking your rough edges off, and making you more like
Jesus.

What the culture calls “irreconcilable differences,” is the Father’s call to grow.

Third, Compatibility Is Achieved Through Meeting Each Other’s God-Given Needs.

In his classic book, “His Needs, Her Needs,” Dr. Willard Harley has a chapter titled, “From Incompatible to Irresistible.” He says,

“When a husband and wife can’t get along, we may describe them as
incompatible. Yet at one time, we would have called those two people
irresistible to each other. (He points to Webster’s definition, “having an
overpowering appeal.”) Because they found each other irresistible, they
made a lifetime commitment in marriage. Marriages start out irresistible
and only become incompatible as a couple leaves each other’s needs
unmet. When someone outside the marriage offers to meet those needs,
an affair starts. Then the lover becomes ‘irresistible.’

The trust of this important book is the Five Top Needs of Men And The Ten Top Needs of women.

When couples say, “Pastor, we are growing apart; we seem to be less compatible all the time.” My counsel is four fold:

1. Don’t let the culture and unmet needs erode your commitment to the Lord,
and your spouse.

2. Give careful attention to your spiritual walk with the Lord.

3. Ask your spouse to read through “His Needs, Her Needs” with you,
discussing the needs of both.

Discussing with a 3rd party can be helpful.

4. Seek out the fellowship of Christian couples who model compatibility and a
positive, growing marriage.

To the singles, I have one word of encouragement: Be careful that you are able to distinguish between love and infatuation.

A mountaineer couple lived way back in the holler. The wife became very ill and, with her husband by her side, passed away. With no phone, or emergency services, he did what everybody in the holler had done for generations—He sent word to the local undertaker.

He came with one of his assistants. They put his beloved wife’s body on a gurney, went out the front door, down the steps into the yard; and as they were putting it into the hearse, they bumped it against a maple tree near the front gate.

The woman stirred; they worked with her, she revived. In fact, she lived 10 more years! Then she died. When the same undertaker and assistant came
for her this time, and started across the yard with her, the husband said,

“Uh, boys, watch out for that tree there.”

One principle: Compatibility is not a period on a page (a state of bliss achieved in a moment); it is a series of periods, representing a process based on commitment, growth and a willingness to change.